The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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