tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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