We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
