I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
