I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
