I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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