Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
