Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
