I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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