so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We got so high we made milksteak
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
