my room smells like sperm. sweet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
