we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
