I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm like, not good at living.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
