So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
And then he peed in my hair
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