Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
