Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
