she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
