can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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