Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
