so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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