I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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