i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
