Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
