did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
