Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
