I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
