For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
