she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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