oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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