how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
