Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think my moral compass just broke
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