I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
