Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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