In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
