thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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