respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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