i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
