I heard we made out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
