I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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