Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
