Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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