just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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