genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
