By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
