saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
