i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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