Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
