I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That accounts for only three of the penises
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love you. Go after that dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
