The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
