dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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