Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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