my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
