if only i could text you this smell
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
