I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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