I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
