Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
